WITCHFINDER GENERAL (1967)

I'd been searching for this one for a while now, and didn't realise it starred the one and only Vincent Price, whose movies I've become a little obsessed by of late.

The film itself revolves around Matthew Hopkins the "witchfinder" who wanders around 17th Century England doing Gods work, seeking out those who've been suspected of witchcraft and extracting confessions out of them and putting them to death or just killing them regardless. From what I've read about the witch burnings of the time (which isn't a huge amount) it seems to follow the historical accounts reasonably closely and the costuming and dialogue really add an air of authenticity to the proceedings.

Vincent Prices performance is of course legendary and chilling as per usual, and the film is lavishly shot, I love these old style films shot on film which i think have a more life like texture than many of the digitally shot films of today. The disc copy I got is of course a modern reprint, and it shows an "R" rating, while it may have been on the more extreme end of horror for the time, it was rather tame by today's standards and would have barely qualified for a "M (15)" rating .... which I guess isn't really important as the film holds up brilliantly either way, but it did kind of get me really excited for a gore-fest, which it certainly isn't.. while the violence contained in the flim does look convincing the blood looks like bright red paint and comes across as fake, which to be fair most films of the time up until the mid 70's tended to do.

Minor criticisms aside, I was immensely pleased I finally got to watch this little gem and i'd certainly recommend it to anyone who is a fan of the old "hammer" style horror films, if you just want a blood and guts gorefest this may not be the film for you but i'd certainly recommend it for fans of Price, or vintage horror in general.

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HUMAN CENTIPEDE (2009)

I used to watch a lot of horror movies as a kid (some would say too much)  so much so that I overdosed on gore flicks and didn't really watch or have much interest in any of them to watch for almost 10 years until I heard about this little gem not too long after it was released. I have to say it was the controversy that piqued my interest in it really, I mean what could be so bad about this movie that it had everyone in internet land vomiting into their own  mouths ?

It follows the plight of two rather attractive females and some Japenese guy who unwittingly fall into the trap of a sadistic doctor who sedates them and subjects them to his perverted medical experiments.

The fun only starts here, the three are subjected to humiliation degradation on and torture beyond the comprehension of most humans when they are placed into a human centipede joined together from mouth to anus, the three of them connected by the same digestive tract. The gore is high impact stuff too and the "feed her" scene is one of the most harrowing displays of human suffering ever committed to film.

Obviously this is not for the faint hearted. There are some films that can't be unseen once you've watched them and this is probably one of the leading light in such films. As a movie it is captivating, well thought out and compelling, you actually feel for the victims and the cold bloodiness of Dr. Heiter (the Surgeon played by Deiter Laser) is delivered disturbingly well. I don't think many people could say its a bad film, its just too much for many people to take.

It's a tough one to talk about without ruining the film but I'll include the trailer here so you can judge for yourself if its something you want to see

Also one word of advice if you find this one too heavy going, do not attempt to watch Part 2, or part 3 

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FRIDAY 13th (REMAKE 2009)

Producer Michael Bay (despite being a big time hollywood guy) was always going to have a huge task ahead of him remaking one of the greatest horror films of all time. I don't think he did a particulary bad job of it, its just that remaking the first film for anyone who's seen it would be a pointless affair as the plot relied on the major twist at the end (you know what I mean) and rewatching another version of it when you already know the ending just wouldn't have any effect.

With that said the film moves fairly fast through the territory covered by the first film and then the second and seems to land somewhere in the territory covered by the third film, where its spends the rest of the film as a standard slasher film from the point where Jason dons the hockey mask for the first time and the classic representation of Jason Vorhees is now able to be used. Lets face it, this is the way most people (except hardcore afficionado's) will remember Jason and it really does up the commercial appeal of the project.

As a slasher flick its pretty good actually, the horror effects are great and the acting is good enough to get it over the line. It's actually not a bad flick at all, but inevitably the question will be asked 'How does it compare to the original' and it doesn't. The original is one of the greatest horror movies of all time and this is what I'd call a solid slasher flick at best, definitely worth a watch and I'd take a punt it would be aimed at the younger horror fans who maybe wouldn't be inclined to watch the original series of films, maybe with the intention of getting them to go back and watch the original films which I could totally see it doing.

Easy to follow plot and lots of topless babes, and some righteous killings make it an easy to follow plot as well if you're having a few drinks or watching it with friends.

Be sure to check out our review of the original film here FRIDAY 13th FILM REVIEW

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THE MUMMY (1932)

I thought it was time to fire up the old VHS player and give this one a spin. These old VHS tapes do have a certain charm, Its strange to think some guy probably paid a lot of money for this back in the day (as indeed I did too back in the 90's) and now I find myself  having to sift through a couple hundred of them which I got for next to nothing.

This was one such treasure, with child like enthusiasm I fed it into the "state of the art" 6 head, Hifi VCR and went back to the couch to absorb this film in all its grainy, black and white, VHS glory.

Realistically this film is obviously dated but I think its an interesting watch the story and plot line holds interest and the dialogue is excellent. As a child of the 80's glory days of horror its hard to go back and put myself into the mind of someone watching this in the 1930's would this film have frightened audiences back in the day? hard to say.... there's some chilling dialogue but overall its an easy watch.

The film revolves around a group of archaeologists who unearth the mummy of the Egyptian Phaoroh, Imhotep... (in much the same way I unearthed these VHS tapes) and inadvertently resurrect him by reading out from the ancient scroll of Thoth. Played by horror legend Boris Karloff the mummy returns as an Egyptian character named Ardeth (spelling???)  instructing the archaeologists on where to find the treasures of Imhotep's tomb. My only real criticism of the film is that its hard to follow how the Mummy came back as the Egyptian Ardeth and why the scientists would even listen to him in the first place.... but regardless the Mummy is set on finding his long lost lady love from Ancient Egypt whom he believes has been re-incarnated as a modern woman.

Overall a cool watch and shrouded in what can only be described as an old world charm that only these vintage era horror films can have.

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REVOLT OF THE ZOMBIES (1936)

I hear this is supposed to be a loosely based sequel for seminal zombie film White Zombie, and also directed by Victor Halperin (who directed White Zombie) it does seem to follow on after that first film, at least chronologically, with reports filtering back to the Allied forces in French-Austria that there were in fact zombies in Angkor (in the orient) which starts a military expedition to find and destroy the secret the zombies, after a failed attempt to extract information about the zombies from a priest they had previously captured  from the Orient, fearing the Zombies could be used against the alllied forces

There's a subplot around Claire part of the expedition who falls in love with Cliff (after they've been in the orient a few months or so) but accepts a marriage proposal from Armand to make Cliff jealous..... which works and she ends up marrying Cliff after he finally confesses his love for her, its all a little hammy in that 1930's kind of way, but after that's all out of the way its starts to get a little more interesting and the movie moves along a little faster.

Not to be defeated in love or life Armand persists and unlocks the secret of enslaving the unwitting into zombie-hood to do his bidding and eventually creates an army of zombies (one should remember that the zombies in these early films are not the decaying flesh eating creatures made popular in movies like the Night of the Living Dead etc... rather they are more slaves of will in a state of hypnosis like trance) Armand threatens to turn Cliff into a zombie like he as done to everyone else unless Claire agrees to marry him in exchange for Cliff being left unharmed.

Without giving away the plot I will say the ending left me a  little underwhelmed, but over all its a decent enough watch, and interesting from an historical point of view. I will say that the passing of time  and events in the film can be  a little unclear as well which makes what is an otherwise pretty cool story a little disjointed.

Obviously being shot in 1936 this is a black and white film and the audio has that scratchy feel to  it as well. I know that many people don't like to watch black and white cinema but if you can get past that its a fairly decent watch, I don't think it comes up that well against White Zombie, but its a fairly cool watch as well. Like Most B&W films it does rely on dialogue, and a decent story line and lets face it the special effects and gore were non-existent back then, so it has to stand up as a story on its own as well.

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PIRANHA 3DD (2011)

Lets get one thing out of the way first, this is strictly a B grade schlocky no brainer of a movie, it's not a stinker.... but it ain't no thinker either!  If you can get past that and killer fish, and giant titties are your thing ... then you're in for a treat!

Basically the plot revolves around some guy who re-opens a shut down water park that had previously fallen victim to a piranha attack. Of course the fish come back and start devouring the patrons of the park. Simple enough plot, simple enough that you can drink beer with your friends get sidetracked on a conversation and duck back into the movie like nothing happened at all without missing any key plot details its that simple.

The fish look awesome and the action and gore is really good. As simple as the plot is, its actually quite entertaining and lots of blood and guts and smaller guest appearance roles from Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future) reprising his role as a crazy science type dude, and the Hoff (Baywatch) as a Celebrity lifeguard (who can't save anyone for shit) and a host of beautiful women who have no problems whatsoever in showing off their bountiful breasts at every given opportunity the lightweight plot allows for, actually make for a decent watch.

If you're too tired from work, or too hungover to think, or just need some background noise and visuals this is the movie for you. A guilty pleasure for the brain dead horror fan in all of us. I was surprised I liked it as much as I did, but really there's not much point dwelling into it much deeper than this because that's really all their is to this movie.

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BLOOD SUCKING FREAKS (1976)

This is one of the more extreme horror flicks in the genre, there's pretty much something in it to offend anyone, constant full frontal nudity (including beaver shots) all manner of torture and dismemberments ,explicit gore and one very creepy midget...  this film has it all!!! Its firmly rooted in the B Grade category, though it does have a solid enough plot for what it is, it is essentially the first torture porn movie.

Was this film intended to just push the boundaries of censorship or provide something more? Id say its nothing more than a gore fest but it does do that well, though it seems to have mostly negative reviews I actually didn't mind it and found myself watching it fairly intently until the end.

Plot wise it centres around the circus director / S and M master Sardhu who is running an underground live show which features nudity and torture which the audience think is fake, unknowingly they are watching people get tortured and killed right in front of them. Sardhu is seeking artistic recognition for his shows from one critic in particular who thinks the show is purile garbage (and rightly so) so he of course captures him and totures him along with the many females (who of course have no clothes on) he has stored away in his dungeons under the theatre. While most of the females are fairly anonymous he does capture one beautiful ballerina who is missed by both her boyfriend and the private investigator who start poking around the macabre theatre ... needless to say this is where i'll stop divulging the plot and let you guys see how it ends for yourself

Gore wise it would have set new standards for offensive-ness and outright crudeness .... but be thankful it was done on B grade 1976 technology, though someone did point out to me that the gore did look more full on when played on  VHS player so maybe the high def digital version does expose a few flaws in the rather primitave gore effects...  the gore does look a little like red paint if you know what I mean... I shudder to think how grim this film would be if it was remade today

Anyway I think it was a cool watch but definitely not for those who are new to the horror scene or offended by female nudity (or today's sensibilities in regards to sexism) so don't watch it around your Mom!

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